My Partial Molar Pregnancy and the Hand of God-

 

February 14, 2020:

 

January  2020:

As I sat in the ultrasound room I could hear the dr say..”something is not right here, something is wrong” I appreciated his honesty but I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I could clearly see from the screen that this wasn’t a normal pregnancy. It came as quite a surprise and shock, considering I felt as healthy as an ox! I hadn’t had any negative symptoms besides the usual nausea during the first trimester. I had felt emotional and hormonal but I knew that was all part of a normal pregnancy.  I was halfway (20 weeks) through my pregnancy thinking “all is well.” In fact the day before I was asking my husband if he was excited to see the baby for the first time... 

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I normally blog about recipes and health related topics on my site but I’ve recently had some significant experiences that I want to document and share for myself. I hope that maybe something I share could be helpful for someone else now, or in the future going through a similar experience. I in no way can doubt the hand of God through these trials and know that it helped me to feel his presence very close as me and my family struggled through these experiences.

They say “When it rains it pours,” meaning that if something bad is going to happen, you better throw in 2 or 3 other things while you’re at it right? Why not? While this seemed to be the case for me in January of 2020, I know deeply that there were so many miracles and blessings along the way that were very significant.  In October 2019 we found out we were pregnant with our 3rd baby. It was clear on the pregnancy test and we were excited to start planning for a 3rd baby to be in our home and part of our family. I felt healthy, I had slight nausea during my first trimester but nothing horrible. It felt like a normal pregnancy and I was doing great. 

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January 24, 2020: 

January 24, 2020 arrived quickly and promptly as we had been renovating our kitchen for the past 3 weeks prior and were excited to finish it.  To be honest my mind was mostly on just that, finishing our kitchen so our house could go back to normal. We were regularly doing our dishes in the bathtub and basically living in our dining room until the renovations were finished. We had planned to renovate our kitchen months prior and were excited for the outcome.

While in the middle of our renovations my husband unexpectedly lost his job, with no real explanation of why. We felt a bit cheated and lost for a while, but we also felt very hopeful that a  new and better opportunity would come along.  

Thankfully, at that point most of our renovations were done, we weren’t in the thick of we and had mostly payed it off so we felt really blessed. We continued our renovations and were putting on the back-splash the day of my baby appointment. I wasn’t nervous at all, I was just excited to finally confirm how many weeks I was. According to my calculations I figured I was about halfway done.  One thing that did cross my mind is that if I was over 20 weeks I hadn’t felt the baby kick at all, and normally at 18 weeks you can feel baby kicks. I wasn’t certain why, but I just figured my calculations were off and that I would find out at the baby appointment. 

We had a lot going on the day of the appointment, I would see the dr and get an ultrasound at 3 pm and I knew the time would pass quickly. We filled out our paperwork, did a urine sample and then spoke with the dr briefly before the ultrasound.  He had a very good bedside manner from experiences from his own life that we could relate too. After talking about any concerns or pre-cautions about delivery we then waited for an ultrasound room so we could check the heartbeat. He did measure my stomach and said I was measuring small. We waited for about 10 minutes and then the dr called us in. We joked a minute about not wanting to find out the gender if the baby “revealed” it on his/her own.  

Immediately following he placed the ultrasound device on my stomach and said honestly, “something is not right here..” We took a closer look and he diagnosed it as a partial molar pregnancy. After understanding his explanation and what that was, we realized we weren’t going to get our precious baby in May 2020 that we had hoped for.  Our emotions began to flow, the tears and frustration came, and the loss of a child was felt that day. I also had a lot of worry and concern about the surgery I would need, and their were risks for potential cancer if I didn't monitor my HcG levels properly.  

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Partial Molar Pregnancy-

What is a partial molar pregnancy? I had never heard of it up until this point in my life. It was pretty rare, 1 in 1200 cases a year are seen. In my case, the dr could see a small fetus in the uterus. He could see the spine and head forming but it was so tiny it could have been overlooked. In a normal pregnancy a placenta is formed and you get chromosomes from the mother and chromosomes from the father. 

In a partial molar pregnancy a placenta is formed and you get a double set of chromosomes that comes from the father. When this occurs it creates abnormalities and the fertilized egg can’t survive. It then forms a mass of cysts or cells that creates a “molar” or tumor inside the uterus. Your HcG levels can become very high, which can be potentially harmful and lead to cancer.

There is also such a thing as a complete molar pregnancy. In that situation you get chromosomes from the mother and none from the father so a fetus can’t form at all and you just get a mass of cysts or cells that form a “molar” or tumor. Some of the symptoms of these  situations are severe bleeding, discharge, or extreme nausea. If experiencing any of these symptoms you would clearly see your dr right away. The case for me is that I didn’t have any symptoms, I just felt healthy and normal without any pain. I counted this as a huge blessing from God and knew that he was watching out for our family. 

 

The next step as to have other tests done to make sure my HcG levels weren’t significantly high. If they were significantly high, then you can have potential risks for cancer. I had blood work done, a chest x-ray and another ultrasound. Then we waited..

That night I could not sleep, I tossed and turned thinking about what the outcomes might be. Of course, my mind went to the worst case scenario and I was feeling pretty scared.  The procedure I would need was a D&C (dilation and curettage). This would be to clean out the uterus and tissues and to remove the fetus. I scheduled the procedure for the following week. 

The next day (Saturday) I went to the temple. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The temple is a symbol of our faith. It’s a physical place that we can go and remember promises that we make to the Lord there. It is His holy house, a place of refuge we can go to remember Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and his beautiful creations. I worshiped in the temple that day with a heavy heart pondering upon all that had happened.  At first I didn’t feel anything significant but I knew as I left that day that Heavenly Father would not leave us alone. I didn’t realize or know it that day, but I felt the reality of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Meaning, I felt his love and sacrifice because he first felt it for me. I knew that one day I would be a mother to that baby that I had lost. This is the reality of the atonement of Jesus Christ, that because of his sacrifice in the garden of Gethsemane, his dying on the cross and his beautiful resurrection we can be and see our loved ones at another time. I had to then exercise my faith and patience that all would work together for my good at this time. 

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Surgery Day: Jan 30, 2020: 

My surgery time was scheduled at 7:30 am, and I was to be at the hospital at 6 am. I couldn't sleep the night prior. While the surgery seemed to be non-invasive I had never had surgery before and was tossing and turning with butterflies in my stomach. Around 2 am I said a little prayer in my bed that I could have peace and rest a little before my surgery and not feel nervous. My prayer was answered, I quickly fell asleep and didn’t awake until I heard the sound of my alarm at 5 am. We all awoke, packed up the car and were off. We dropped off my kids at my brother’s house and we were on our way. 

They called us back soon after we arrived and soon enough I was getting an IV in my arm. They ended up putting it in my hand because my veins were clearer to see. I saw the dr previous to my surgery. The two things I remember worrying about most were if I started hemorrhaging or bleeding excessively I could need a blood transfusion or a potential hysterectomy (which was not something I wanted at all) The dr. did tell me that in his 35 years of practicing he had only had to do that once, it was so rare. I said another little prayer and was reassured by my husband that things would be fine and that wouldn’t happen. 

The next thing I knew was that I was being wheeled into the operating room and I remember the lights looking huge,  then I was out. I woke up about 2 hours later feeling groggy but hearing the dr say, “you did great.” I was then wheeled into the  recovery room. As the anesthesia wore off my husband told me that there was very little bleeding, I lost very little blood and the whole surgery only took about 20 minutes. It went so smoothly and my recovery has made me feel even more whole.

 

I know that the healing process isn’t over. I still will be monitoring my HcG levels and there will also be emotional healing along the way.  I share these tender moments in my life because I want to remember this experience for myself and my family. The sight, the smell, the sounds, the emotions, the hope, the fears, essentially everything that I needed was given to me by a loving Heavenly Father. I could look at this as a tragedy or loss but I also see it as a great blessing that strengthened my faith and helped me to see that the  “tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” -1 Nephi 1:20

His “tender mercies” are seen only when we see them for ourselves as what they are in our lives. Otherwise, we can just call them coincidences, or things turning out to be okay. To me, I like to think of them as miracles. Through each phase of this experience and most especially when I look back on particular moments I see God’s hand in it. From when I received the news about my baby, to when I had to get more tests done, to when I had to “wait” for the results, to having the actual surgery, to being in recovery. Each of these moments were small steps to help me remember that the Lord did not leave me. He was protecting, and nourishing and strengthening me through this. One night before my surgery I was reading in my scriptures in the Book of Mormon. I was studying chapters 16 & 17, which are pretty significant chapters in the Book of Mormon. Nephi is trying to obtain food for his family in the wilderness and he actually ends up breaking his bow and arrow. It’s a pretty big tragedy because he isn’t able to obtain food for his family. Which ultimately means grumpy family members. The great thing about his story is that Nephi doesn't complain and he finds a way to build another bow, he finds a solution to his problem.  He goes to his father and says, “where shall I go to obtain food?”  

I was reading this and put my name in the parts where it says Nephi and it was like I was  explaining my dilemma to God. So I read it like this.. “And it came to pass that I Megan & Kevin went forth to have a baby but we did have a molar pregnancy...It’s like I was explaining my dilemma to the Lord. After that I distinctly heard the Spirit say in my mind.. “You try again..” It was like that was my answer. Plain and simple, “You try again.” So again, I had a tender moment where I just felt the safety of the Lord protecting, and watching out for us.

I absolutely love and am reminded of the scripture that says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28 

 

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39

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I'm grateful for a God in Heaven that loves me and my family. I know he has a wonderful plan.  Some moments here in mortality are difficult, but I have faith that those tragedies or hard moments will be made right. God is good and he knows what is best for us to progress and make it back to him one day.  I have been reminded that each day is a gift and that I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband to enjoy it with. These are the things I treasure most.